(This is a heavily edited version of an email I sent to a very close friend, posted with her permission)
When my wife and I lost our cats I tried to put into perspective the amount of our lives we had shared with them (11 years and 14 years respectively), and I thought about how the first 5 years of life barely count for the person themselves (although they certainly count for the adults raising and caring for them). You're still learning the basics of having a body and mind, learning to form memories, work the different parts of the body, going through a bunch of basic behavioral development stages. I don't think my earliest memory is that far back.
Prior to being a teenager you're starting to socialize, learn the basics about the world, about yourself, and setting the stage to develop a real personality. Some of this counts, but I claim you're not you yet, you're a pre-you, trying to determine who you really are.
In the teenage years there's a lot of exploration and more learning, trying to differentiate from parents, trying out a number of different personalities to see which one feels right, different social groups, different experiences. Wanting desperately to be an adult but not being one. You're starting to get a real education, but it isn't truly practical at this point, just the basics.
The 20s is about really starting to be yourself, developing a personality (or for some, still trying to find it), learning what it really means to be an adult and trying to adapt to that world. Making the fundamental transition between what you thought the world would be like and what it really is, and trying to adjust to live there. Here you're getting a real education you can actually put to use, both formal and in real world experience.
The 30s are about (not for everyone, of course) becoming comfortable in the that world, and comfortable in being oneself. You've found a spot, although it may not be comfortable you know what it is and how it works. You know who you are, and are comfortable with that. You make adjustments to your situation and personality but it isn't about wholesale change like it was in the teens and 20s. You're now truly you for the first time.
What I've heard recently and find fascinating is that some consider the 40s the time for women to really shine. You're not just truly you, you're not just comfortable in your life, you're now comfortable making your life what you really want it to be. You spent your 30s figuring out who you are and what you really want, and in the 40s you are confident and powerful enough to go get it. Many of the most successful businesswomen really explode onto the scene in their 40s.
The 50s is supposed to be when men do the same. I haven't figured out yet why we're delayed that way, but again there seems to be a pattern. I think men hold on longer to what they think society says is success, so in their 40s they really make a break for that, and in their 50s figure out what it was they really wanted all along and change and go for that path instead. Speculation.
After that is almost unpaved territory. 40 used to be old, now I don't really even think of 50 as old. Around 60 is the starting point. A lot of that is because of health. By the time I'm 60 stuff that's deadly today won't be, things that are untreatable now will be easily prevented, and as they get a deeper and more real understanding about how our bodies work we'll be able to be much healthier, more active, and happier for a lot longer.
I turn 36 in two weeks. I claim that I have been really myself for a little over 20 years of that. So between now and 60, even though I won't double my age from the womb, I'm going to more than double my actual real life experience, and in fact that experience will be more lived and more important than the previous 36 years. Further, I think the 20 years I'll have after that will be great (maybe better), so that's more than two more full lifetimes of great experiences ahead, with a very real chance of more beyond.
I don't know what that time will hold, but there's too much of it to take it for granted or give it up because I'm too old or middle aged or things aren't what I wanted them to be today. When I really thought about all of this I started rededicating myself to my life. I'm exercising a lot, trying to get back into shape for health and generally feeling good. I'm eating a lot better, losing weight. I'm getting back on track with yearly physicals, immunizations, preventative testing, etc.
I want the next 20 years to be the best in my life, and the 20 after that to be even better.
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